Romanian Olympian Gandor "The Stallion" Kazziski qualified to run the 400 and the 800 meter track and field running competitions during this summer's 2008 Olympics. There was much opposition from other qualifying countries across the globe for letting Kazziski, who happens to be a centaur compete. "The Olympics is no place for half humans- only whole humans!", stated runner Bigby Jones of Canada. "Indeed, Kazziski is half horse half man, but there is no Olympic rule that disqualifies a partial human-being from completing.", stated one member of the Olympic Board Committee during a press conference.
Kazziski ran with race-horse speed for his country and ended up receiving gold in the 800 and a bronze in the 400 meter events. Although, the controversy doesn't stop here. Further blood analysis tested Kazziski positive for horse tranquilizers that may lead to a post-disqualification and a medal repeal. Upon further questioning, Kassiki commented with a brisk "Neeeeeeehhhhhh!".
-Goose Bowls a Perfect 300 Game
Pappy O'dannar entered his goose into this year's the New England Pro Bowler's Tournament in Bryson, New Hampshire. It was amazing to see that his goose, Bessie, was actually fully trained and ready to hit the lanes. "Her average score is usually around 275," stated O'dannar, "but this week she has really pulled her game together."
Bessie started her hobby of bowling by rolling her rotten laid eggs out of the chicken coop. Pappy noticed her talent in this endeavor and quickly started training Bessie to roll heavier objects into precise locations, such as cantaloups into trash cans. Within a few weeks she was capable of bowling. It took a while to get permission for Bessie to use the local bowling alley, but not long after she was rolling strikes! She became the lead member of her bowling team, "The Pins Pals" and eventually developed a street reputation for being a bowling alley hustler.
People thought it was a joke when Bessie stepped up to bowl in the New England Pro Bowler's Tournament, but after Bessie's third strike, spectators weren't calling out "Turkey!!!" for three strikes in a row, but rather "Goosey!!!!" Bessie cleared the boards with a perfect 300 score and won the tournament along with a $200,000 first place prize. She intends to donate all for her winnings to PETA, under the assumption that it will also help fund the Save the Fowl Foundation.
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